Am I Inappropriate Sometimes?...

Holy Black Space Balls!




Sometimes I hate being black. I walked into a bar the other day and I felt like Darth Vader. Can you imagine?...
Darth Vader: (sound of Vader breathing) Luke!
Luke: Yes Father?
Vader: Where is your sister with the hot ass?
Luke: Leia!
Darth: Yes Luke, Leia. I want to show her my chocolate light saber…
Luke: No! That’s your daughter!
Darth: Oh! So only you are allowed to kiss her?
Luke: That’s not fair! We didn’t know!
Darth: You should have used the Force. Bring her out, that she may see how electrifying it is.
Luke: No! (In the bar people huddle into tight groups, afraid to look at me. A lady grabs her purse and hands it to her boyfriend. Smiles disappear.)

That’s how I feel when white people look at me…I AM NOT SITH, O.K.?!

I’m not packin, at least not packin packin, you know what I mean! (Sound of Vader breathing) I don’t want your I-Pod, and I’m not trying to have sex with your wife…unless you’re in to that sort of thing. Just relax.



(Black announcer voice: Time FO’… (Dramatic pause) Hidden Moments in Black History! (Music comes in)

Ah…Brutus?
(Revealed here for the first time, to have actually been a black man!)
Yo Caesar! Wuz Up! (Makes whoo, whoo, whoo, sound and pumps his fist)
Yeah…auh, whoo whoo…listen, some of the guys think you’re a little intense.
What do you mean?
Look I’m afraid we’re going to have to let you go.
What!
That’s what I mean right there…we just don’t think…you’ll be happy here!
Muthafucka Imma Kill You!

(In official white commentator voice…)

“Brutus went on to rule Rome for two years until his Brother in-law shot the nigga. The reason? “The nigga owed me five dollars. What? You posed to be Caesar now. You can’t pay me? I got Pampers on Lay-away baby!”




“Daddy.”
“Leia?”
“I’ve come to castrate you. The Line of Sith will end when your genitals are in my bloody hands.” (She wields her pink light saber.)
“I see you’ve created a light saber.”
“I thought it was appropriate, now that I shall be Queen of the Jedi.”
(In the bar: Look lady I’m just getting a drink. I’m not trying to wrestle… unless you’re into that sort of thing.)



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A special shout-out goes to James Earl Jones.