The First Job I Loved (in retrospect…)

Funk’s Democratic Coffee Spot


chalk from case 1 are the color of grandma’s breathmints
Soft hues of blue, pink, and yellow, dusted with white
Case 2 holds the whole rainbow, the chalks are bold and living
“Maybe when chalk gets old it loses it’s color”
the sandwich board in front of the shop:
Black Bean Burrito. Fresh salsa. $5.50
Granita milkshake. Real ice cream. $3.50
Hank shuffles, his frame supported by a wooden cane
“Gonna be hot today…”
The black and white striped awning hangs like palm trees leaves.
“Funks” is neon orange in the window

Charlie is in the patio
His wifebeater has holes from cigarette ashes
He has a joint in one side of his mouth
The other side is singing Zepplin
He wants a burrito. Extra sour cream. Extra salsa.
And do I want a hit?
I do.

VW bugs painted on little blocks of wood go up the walls
As punk kids come down the stairs
They congregate and debate the merits of anarchy
They have all been arrested at protests
And they resist The Man at every corner they come to
They also have parents that bail them out of jail
And pay their rent while they go to MICA

The piano’s keys jut like an old man’s teeth
They have long been stripped of their black and white shells
They look wooden and old, like the mast of a ship
The heart is exposed; the belly of the whale is visible
The piano’s frame arches like a great fishes’ ribcage
Hammers kick like Rockettes when he plays a scale

Allison waters her plants
Sunshine blends in with her body
Pink nipples poke from a stretched T-shirt
She can hear the piano downstairs
“Why does he play the same songs over and over?”
When he comes upstairs they will go out with her friends.
He thinks they’re assholes.
He’s right.

Am I Inappropriate Sometimes?...

Holy Black Space Balls!




Sometimes I hate being black. I walked into a bar the other day and I felt like Darth Vader. Can you imagine?...
Darth Vader: (sound of Vader breathing) Luke!
Luke: Yes Father?
Vader: Where is your sister with the hot ass?
Luke: Leia!
Darth: Yes Luke, Leia. I want to show her my chocolate light saber…
Luke: No! That’s your daughter!
Darth: Oh! So only you are allowed to kiss her?
Luke: That’s not fair! We didn’t know!
Darth: You should have used the Force. Bring her out, that she may see how electrifying it is.
Luke: No! (In the bar people huddle into tight groups, afraid to look at me. A lady grabs her purse and hands it to her boyfriend. Smiles disappear.)

That’s how I feel when white people look at me…I AM NOT SITH, O.K.?!

I’m not packin, at least not packin packin, you know what I mean! (Sound of Vader breathing) I don’t want your I-Pod, and I’m not trying to have sex with your wife…unless you’re in to that sort of thing. Just relax.



(Black announcer voice: Time FO’… (Dramatic pause) Hidden Moments in Black History! (Music comes in)

Ah…Brutus?
(Revealed here for the first time, to have actually been a black man!)
Yo Caesar! Wuz Up! (Makes whoo, whoo, whoo, sound and pumps his fist)
Yeah…auh, whoo whoo…listen, some of the guys think you’re a little intense.
What do you mean?
Look I’m afraid we’re going to have to let you go.
What!
That’s what I mean right there…we just don’t think…you’ll be happy here!
Muthafucka Imma Kill You!

(In official white commentator voice…)

“Brutus went on to rule Rome for two years until his Brother in-law shot the nigga. The reason? “The nigga owed me five dollars. What? You posed to be Caesar now. You can’t pay me? I got Pampers on Lay-away baby!”




“Daddy.”
“Leia?”
“I’ve come to castrate you. The Line of Sith will end when your genitals are in my bloody hands.” (She wields her pink light saber.)
“I see you’ve created a light saber.”
“I thought it was appropriate, now that I shall be Queen of the Jedi.”
(In the bar: Look lady I’m just getting a drink. I’m not trying to wrestle… unless you’re into that sort of thing.)



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A special shout-out goes to James Earl Jones.